Well, that was a disaster.

So it's pretty late, and I only just finished wrapping all of the gifts I got for Christmas. Before getting some much needed rest, and heading back to work in the morning, I thought I would take a minute to write about the danger (and sheer stupidity) of the typical male ego.

So as my seasonal job, I've been doing sales at a watch store in an outlet mall. The pay has been pretty decent, and the work itself is simple enough, with a nice laid back environment. There are a couple of people there who are pretty cool, and so it's nice to talk have them to talk bullshit with when there isn't much to do. Anyway, one of them, Jairo, had invited me out to hang out at his friend's house a couple of times, and last night I was bored, unable to sleep, and didn't feel like blowing him off again, so I decided to avoid my rule of avoiding co-workers outside of work, and avoiding hanging out with people here in general (with one exception to the rule). So I headed over to his friend's place a bit after midnight. So I walk into the place, introduce myself and kind of lay low a bit. The entire place reeks of pot, and the drinking games going on seem a bit juvenile (moreso considering the age of the people playing them). So maybe I got a bit ostracised for not smoking weed, but Jairo and his closer friends seemed pretty cool, so I didn't really mind. Anyway, so Jairo is telling this story about one of our managers, and makes some stupid passing joke about her sucking dick, and drunkenly says "you guys agree? yeah sure" referring to a few people behind us. Basically just a stupid drunken remark, but Brobi Wan Kenobi (I don't know the guy's name, I just know he was wearing an Ed Hardy shirt, a sideways flat billed cap, and looked like he had recently been injecting steroids straight into his nipples, so that name will have to do) somehow misconstrued it as Jairo accusing him of being the sucker of dicks in the story. Before I know it, alpha male mentality is all over the place, and everyone is trying to act like a hardass. Jairo is trying to explain the misunderstood nature of the joke, and simultaneously calling the guy a dick for taking it the wrong way. Brobi is reminding everyone that "he doesn't play that shit" and getting up in Jairo's face.

Wait, is this shit for real?

Now with my group of friends back home, tasteless jokes are thrown around all the time, but we have a little thing called respect, and that's a mutual thing. No one takes offence to anything, because everyone is aware of how stupid that would be, and no one is ever going to be the asshole that starts a fight over an innocuous joke (or even a deliberately offencive one). Next thing I know, the two of them are throwing down in the living room, and everyone is standing at the side just staring and not knowing what the hell to do. Now the rule of thumb here, is if two drunk assholes want to exchange fists, you let them go at it for a bit. Either they're going to tire out, or someone is going to wail on the other guy or get him in a headlock, and then you break it up. In this case, it was the latter. Jairo had this guy in a headlock on the ground, and the two of them were inches away from knocking a PS3 off a high shelf, so I stepped in and split the two of them up. Now, take into account the fact that I'm about 6'0 and weigh about 125 pounds. Out of the 7 guys not involved in the fight, it somehow fell to me to keep this from getting out of hand. So the two of them are split up and bruised, but still talking shit. I decide I'm not dealing with this shit, so I tell Jairo we're leaving. The two of them are setting up for round two when I literally drag him out of the apartment and let him know I'll be giving him a ride home. Now this is an apartment complex, so we're about halfway down the hallway towards the parking garage when I hear the door behind me open and close again. I turn and see Brobi heading towards us again, with pure rage on his face; but more troubling is when I glance at his hand and see he's brought a knife with him. Maybe something along these lines, with about a 4 inch blade:

I guess this means bi'ness.

Now I would gladly help any of my close friends in a fight, and I can even think of a few people for whom I'd be willing to put myself between them and a knife, but for a co-worker I hardly know who's been running his mouth? Shit. I tell Jairo to shut the fuck up, and I tell Brobi to calm down and just let us leave. He politely refuses by swinging his knife at me. Whether by the luck of a quick reaction on my part, or perhaps Brobi being baked out of his mind, he narrowly misses me, and then continues towards Jairo. I see the two of them exchanging punches on the ground, and all that's running through my mind is that knife. Is it still in his hand? Is someone getting fucking shanked right now? I knew I couldn't let the fight go on this time, so I pulled Brobi away, hoping a stray swing of his knife didn't head my way. Fortunately, this time, the other guys helped keep him away (though only after I had pulled him away and we realized the knife was now on the ground) so I dragged Jairo out the hallway and into the parking garage. As we walk through the garage, Jairo is worried about leaving his phone charger and his beanie in the apartment. Are you fucking kidding me? My only concern is getting us the fuck out of there, so I drag his stupid ass and throw him in my car, and just start driving. 20 minutes (and a lot of puking) later, I managed to get him back to his house, where he managed to forget the code for his garage, so we had to wait out for about 10 minutes for his dad to let him in. Fortunately, it was dark and his dad pretty much just opened the door and went back to bed, so I left him at his house and went back to my place, getting home at around 3:20.

Trying to hang out with a buddy from work had cost me a quarter tank of gas, forced me to wash vomit off of (and out of) my car, and gotten me within inches of a knife to the chest. Wonderful. Did that shit really just happen? I just continue to find it absurd they even fought in the first place, let alone to what heights they let shit spiral out of control. I didn't write this post to try and sound like a badass for narrowly escaping death (I'm not) because that's exactly the reckless, arrogant attitude that caused that entire situation. Do people really take themselves this seriously? Was any of that remotely worth it? Can I stop myself from making any more rhetorical questions? Seriously though, I cannot think of a single situation where I feel that pulling a knife on someone would be appropriate. Hell, I'm hard pressed to think of times when it'd even be worth it to get in a fistfight with someone. I'm sure the fact that I don't have the build for it doesn't help, but it just seems insane to see people jumping to violence as a first resort. I really hate men sometimes.

Tomorrow's update (if I can find a minute for it) will be much more positive, I SWEAR.