Hoping I can overcome a bit of skepticism.

I've become accustomed to updating every couple of weeks, and even though I originally wanted to update weekly, I think I'm okay with biweekly. Not having my laptop definitely isn't helping though... Anyway, here's where I am today: I've been worrying a bit about Ringling and making sure it's the right decision at this point in my life. I ran into a bit of a snag with my loan application. I need a parent to apply for my federal loan, but my dad's credit isn't very great, and my mom has good credit, but she can't do it because she is getting a business loan in a few months. I will either have to find a way to get my loan endorsed, or go with a private loan, in which case I will have to deal with a higher interest rate, and having to make payments on interest while I'm still in school. This alone isn't enough to make me back out of school; I know I can probably still make ends meet financially, but this isn't my only concern.


I'm not sure this is what I want to do with the rest of my life.


Making videogames and becoming proficient in the field of computer generated art has been my dream for a long time. I started playing games with Super Mario Bros. 3 when I was just 3 or 4, and since then I've watched the videogame industry evolve for almost 2 decades. From its nascence as an innocent platform for basic gameplay concepts and simple likable characters, to a behemoth of increasing graphical complexity, mass market appeal, and endless sequels. I'm not quite sure I'm happy with that, and it's becoming difficult to think that videogames will ever be taken seriously as an art form. In an ideal world, I would have the technical ability and songwriting talent to pursue my single biggest passion in life, music. About a year ago, I was hanging out with my friends Steve and Joe, and Steve mentioned a bit of a pipe dream where a few of us would get together and rent an apartment in downtown Cleveland or Columbus, scrape together some instruments, and just jam every chance we got, between classes or work. Joe and I laughed off the idea as unrealistic, and we moved on to talking about something else, but as I look back on that, it's becoming difficult to deny the appeal of getting a simple idea, and simply running with it. 


Back to the issue a bit. I was originally going to go to Ringling last fall, but it didn't work out because I was ineligible for any sort of federal aid, and was also unable to get any private loans because I wasn't a permanent resident at the time. A bit of backstory: when my family and I moved to the states back in 2001, we began the lengthy process of applying for permanent residence. There is a final interview you have to do at an immigration office, which we did back in April of 2006. Since I was under 14 when I came into the country, I didn't need to submit any bloodwork, but since I was 17 by the time of the interview, they told me I would have to submit an HIV and herpes test. What they failed to mention, was that after submitting that bloodwork, I would have to redo the interview due to a sequential order in which they had to be processed. My entire family got their permanent residence, while I was stuck waiting around to hear back after submitting my bloodwork. I finally made an appointment at the immigration office to see what was going on, only to find out that they had accidentally mailed the new appointment notice to the wrong address, and since I never showed to that appointment, my application was denied. By the time I found this out, it was too late to make an appeal, so I had to apply again from the very beginning. Back to the present: that whole fiasco didn't get sorted out until last October, which is why I am finalizing plans to get myself to Ringling now. My concern now is that I have changed a good deal since I originally left Pittsburgh, and I let myself fall into a mindset of complacence and apathy after my college plans for fall of 09 fell through. I have found it quite difficult to shake myself of that mindset since then. Part of me thinks that my head will straighten itself out when I move to Florida and get myself working on stuff, living independently, and  meeting new people again. Another part of me is terrified that if I am unable to shake that apathy, I will be 1500 kilometres from home, with a lot of potential debt on my hands, and little motivation with which to chug along. I haven't decided which part I will pay attention to.